“The ripple effects have been profound in my life…hurt people hurt people. And I never understood that for many, many years.”
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How do you recover from years of sadistic abuse at the hands of your own brother, and at the hands of a pedophile deliberately recruited by your own brother? For Scott Thompson, the answer lies in a profound, bone marrow-deep commitment to the healing process, including years of work at Ottawa’s Men’s Project. It also lies in taking power back from his abusers, a process that included reporting them to the police. In court, the pedophile admitted his crimes. It also lies in restoring his own voice, by speaking out publicly on behalf of himself and fellow survivors.
And it also lies in what might appear to be a paradox: forgiveness. For Scott, forgiveness means relinquishing his anger and hatred. In letting it go, Scott has freed himself, not his abusers.
The abuse that Scott suffered left many scars. He spent his childhood in a desperate search for safety. He found safety in “invisibility,” consciously camouflaging himself so that no one would notice him. Blessedly, Scott also found safety with his grandmother, a grandmother (see photo) who somehow knew what he needed, who allowed Scott to spend hours curled up beside her in bed.
The abuse left the adult Scott with a cauldron of anger to manage, anger that he often could not manage. His anger ruptured his relationships with his children, and with his father. Those relationships – the reconciliation and healing of those relationships – are now the focus of Scott’s life. He has spent hours talking with his father, caring for him, tending to the bonds that were sundered by the actions of his abusers. Having restored his power and his voice, Scott is now restoring those fundamental connections that make us human.
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1in6 is a national nonprofit organization supporting the estimated 1 in 6 men who have experienced sexual abuse or assault. At 1in6, we believe that the tens of millions of male survivors who have had such experiences deserve to live whole, meaningful lives, but we know that isn’t always easy. Entrenched myths about masculinity, the stigma and silence around the issue, and a lack of male-specific services are just some of the barriers men face to seeking help and addressing emotional wounds in a healthy way.
Men who feel unsafe to disclose and seek help may risk exposure to social dysfunction and mental and physical health issues, including but not limited to: depression, PTSD, suicidal ideation, addiction, isolation, fear of intimacy, confusion about sexuality, interpersonal violence, and feelings such as anger, guilt, shame, and distrust.
We help men overcome the negative effects of past experiences and reclaim their lives by offering information, outreach, and free and anonymous services for men and their loved ones, as well as service providers working with men.
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